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Advice from Dad
A
few tips and helps from your dear old Dad.
I
seem to have learned a lot of things the hard way, and I often wish my parents
had explained certain things to me, instead of leaving me to find out by mistake
and accident how things worked. The following is a summary of a few of the
useful things I have learned over the years. You are welcome to read or not read
on . . . .
The
shape of life
Life
is shaped like a diamond, as in the diagram. We begin at the base, (a dot) when
we are born, and after a short time of total ignorance, we start to view life as
an infinite expanse of unlimited possibilities. We dream, (and do not consider
it impossible) of being anything - conqueror of Everest, colonist on a distant
planet, Prime Minister, Master pianist, Tourer of the whole world, Great writer,
Olympic champion, Genius, King . . .) and then, as we grow older we realise that
the expanding lines of life reach a limit (corners). Now we have reached a point
of youthful realism.
From
that point on, the lines begin to come together again. We find that Time is not
our friend. We realise that to be good at anything we have to work, practise and
concentrate our energy. This means that whenever we choose to one thing, we
will, by default be choosing not to do many other things.
death
.
time of old age
corner
birth
At
an older age we suddenly realise that life is actually very short, and that the
lines of our potential to explore and accomplish and learn are beginning to
converge to a dot. We also realise that those 'old' people we grew up with are
actually pictures of ourselves, in a few short years. Physically, we begin to
limit ourselves. We narrow our attention to fewer and fewer things, and then,
finally, we realise that life is too short to do anything but a handful of
things really well. Our dreams of conquering Everest or travelling to another
planet are set aside, and we accept (grudgingly) the meagre ration of life.
Children
have no idea what the Bible means when it says that life is short, but old
people understand this only too well. Logically, since life is so brief, we
ought to put the things of God above our own wishes, since we can expect no
reward from God if we spend our lives living for ourselves.
Money.
Never
loan money to anyone. Give, by all means, whenever you think it is necessary,
but never make loans. You can destroy a friendship in a matter of a week or two,
simply by lending money to your friend.
The
value of money is always fluctuating, so if you make an investment, you ought to
get some good advice from an expert. As far as I know, the safest investments
are the lower-interest ones. The higher the interest the greater the risk that
the thing you are investing in will fail.
If
you invest in buildings, you can get a return by way of rent.
If
you buy a house, your house may increase in value over the years, but you'd make
very little profit for your trouble unless you were lucky.
Bonus
Bonds are an extremely long shot, with perhaps only 2-3% returns unless you are
lucky enough to hit a big prize, but at least you get your original investment
back when you cash them in. Unfortunately, the returned money is not adjusted
upwards to match inflation.
The
best way to make money is to either sell a thing, or sell a skill.
The
best way to view money is to first decide what level of material goods you will
be content with. Many people set an impossibly high standard of living before
them, and then struggle all their lives to reach it. The Bible condemns greed,
and praises contentment. If you have food, clothes and a roof over your head,
you should be happy, but the world always tries to tell you that you need more -
much, much more.
People
are your greatest assets.
Relationships.
Don't
play with fire. Keep non-Christians at arm's length. Christian girls tend to
attract non-Christian boys, and vice versa. If you are a girl never call a boy a
'boyfriend', and vice versa. 'Boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' means ownership. The
expression means 'my property', or 'I own this person'.
You
have several very strong driving forces inside you. One is appetite for food -
which of course you must satisfy, but not with gluttony or greed (the main cause
of obesity). Another is need for sleep - which you must satisfy but not by being
lazy or slovenly. Another is need for entertainment - which you must satisfy,
but not by feeding at the pig-trough of the world. Another is need for
acceptance - which you must satisfy, but not by trying to please your unsaved
peer group. (God's opinion of you is far more important than anyone else's).
Another is need for love - which you must satisfy, but not with lust or sexual
sin.
Health.
Your
body can take a tremendous amount of abuse, but life is short and it isn't long
before you realise that a foolish childhood diet has impaired your health for
the rest of your life. Now that we know what foods contain (unlike past
generations) we can actually maintain and nurture our bodies to gain the maximum
strength and vitality out of them.
The
'health food' diet is the best. Keep to the 'food pyramid' - fruit, grains and
cereals, with a little meat - and you will never regret it. While your 'junk
food' friends begin to age prematurely, you will sail on into old age still able
to move about with liberty.
Your
body is God's Temple - if you are a Christian. God says he will destroy your
body if you continue to pollute it. See 1 Cor. 3:16-19.
Mind.
Your
brain is like a sponge, sucking in everything you experience. You will not
realise this through your youth, but when you are older, all the material that
went into you brain while you were young, will actually be most of what makes
you you when you are older.
Obviously,
the best thing to do with your brain, is feed it the best. Choose
carefully what you read, think about, hear, and see. Store the best, and later,
the best will come out. You cannot get good material out of a rubbish tin. If
you treat your mind like a rubbish tin, you will find only rubbish inside it.
Travel.
I
found the best way to travel round my own country was on a bicycle, during good
weather. The tyres were fitted with tubeless so I had no flats. The bike had
pannier bags for clothes and shelter. The most important thing to take, or
arrange for, is a good bed, as the trip is ruined if you miss out on sleep.
The
advantages of bike-tripping : 1. Its free transport, 2. You can stop or move
whenever you like, 3. You can camp anywhere suitable without paying fees, 4. You
can travel slowly enough to see the world passing, and remember it. (The faster
you travel, the less you remember) 5. Pedalling keeps you fit, and gives you a
great appetite so the food tastes fantastic when you need to eat.
Take
a little money, but only enough to get you from one ATM to the next. You can
'play it by ear' as you go - perhaps stopping for a day's fruit-picking, or some
other job. If you ask to stay at someone's place, do something for them, i.e.
chop wood.
Always
make provisions for staying safe.
Sport.
The
world says "It matters most if you win". The Bible says "Do your
best for Jesus". These two philosophies are actually mortal enemies. The
Bible actually discourages competitive sport in that it focusses more on
individual effort rather than 'winning'. Winning can lead to pride, and
arrogance. It also reduces the self-esteem of those who don't win.
If
there was a race with 100 contestants picked at random off the street, would
they all come first equal? Of course not. Who would receive the awards? The
people who came first, second and third. This is how the world judges
performance. This leads to pride.
God
would say "Who tried their hardest, and did their best?" Perhaps every
runner did - in which case every runner would receive an award.
Concentrate
on doing you best and you can have maximum self-esteem. Concentrate on winning,
and you will always face defeat, because, eventually, there is always someone
who will beat you. You may do your best and still win, because your self-esteem
is based on pleasing God, not Man. It is actually quite irrelevant to God as to
whether you win or lose because the world is due to pass away, and what God
wants is your best.
It
is also interesting to notice that all records held by Man are those achieved
during the fallen Creation, and only on this planet. It is all relative.
Marriage.
There
are four kinds of love. Affection - the level of kittens suckling, need-love and
mutual love, not deep or meaningful love, physical. Friendship - a strong mutual
liking, with many ideals and beliefs and habits in common. Eros - the love of
the physical shape and appearance. Charity (agape) - the love which gives
regardless of thanks or appreciation. You need all four kinds of love to make a
good marriage.
One
good way to get to know what your 'intended' is really like is to talk to his or
her parents. Of all the people in the world, parents know their children better
than anyone.
Affection
is a give and also a need love, so it depends on the other person continuing to
give to your needs. Lonely people often confuse affection for love, because they
desperately need someone to show an interest in them, and satisfy their inner
craving for company.
Many
marriages are based mainly on Eros - the love of physical appearance. But
as age, accident or illness destroy the attractiveness of the other, 'love'
fades.
Friendship
is another 'love' which may falter, because it depends a great deal on
reciprocation, i.e. "I'll love you as long as you continue to love
me".
Eros
is
the response we often have to the outward appearance of someone. Many beautiful
women are wildcats underneath, and many handsome men are cruel and nasty in
their hidden domestic lives. Look past the face of the one you are attracted to,
and see if they have love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness,
self-control, goodness, and faithfulness.
Charity
is the highest and best form of love, because it endures, even when the marriage
partner ceases to be attractive, friendly or affectionate. Charity (Greek -
agape) says "I'll love you no matter what. I'll love you even if you don't
love me." As the marriage vow says "For better or for worse, in
sickness or in health, till death do us part". Many marriages break up as
soon as problems come along, and instead of working through them, the people run
away and look for an easier life. Tough times are God's way of developing
character - not fostering cowardice.
Before
you marry, imagine your intended with another fifty, sixty, seventy years added.
Will you still love him/her when he/she is old, bent, grey, thin and feeble?
Remember,
once you have decided to marry, if you are a Christian, you have made a
commitment for the rest of your life. Marriages 'in the sight of God' are
binding, regardless of what people think or do. You may divorce and leave, but
the only way you can remarry and avoid sinning, is if your wife/husband commits
adultery or dies. (Matt.19:8,9)
Marriage
lasts longer than the ceremony. Once you get home, you enter a never-ending
process of work, maintenance and repair. Bills have to be paid, property has to
be maintained, children (if any) have to be raised, disciplined, entertained and
educated. Marriage is not always happy or easy. A lot of it depends on duty
not love, and commitment not enjoyment. The best part of a marriage is
quite often the courting stage, because it is all hopes and promises but no
commitment. Once the courting is over, the bird is caught and caged, but while
it is free the heart is filled with dreams and hopes for a better world.
Wealth.
The
only way most people make money is either by 1. Working for it = selling their
skills, or 2. Selling something = selling a product. Other ways of making money
usually involve more luck than skill, and therefore these ways are not reliable.
Gambling usually ends with loss or poverty. More people lose through gambling
than win. Gambling is also fickle because it holds out the promise of getting
wealth without having to work for it, which is not very satisfying.
One
good method of getting wealth is to use youth as an asset. Live as frugally as
possible for a number of years, maintaining health at a maximum, and hold at
least two jobs. Put the savings into an investment account which reinvests all
the interest, and then, when sufficient quarterly interest is being generated,
reduce the work load and use the interest payments to meet basic costs.
Initially this method is extremely hard, but the result is that for most of your
remaining life you will have an ensured basic income for which you will not have
to work.
Property.
The
best kind of ownership is freehold. Renting is good, provided it includes the
landlord having to deal with Rates, maintenance and insurance. If you rent, you
can move to another house whenever you like. If you own a house you have to go
through the difficult process of selling it. Each path has its own problems and
blessings.
Owning
your own house is usually cheaper than renting. A small country house may cost
an average of about $45 per week to cover power, phone, insurance and Rates. On
top of this there is maintenance, which can add more than a thousand per year, (
borer-bombs, septic tank cleaning, tools, garden additions, postage, firewood,
mouse and insect repellent, and dozens of little expenses you don't usually
think of until they arrive). Maintenance on a property never stops. Everything
eventually needs to be gardened, mowed, painted, cleaned, replaced and repaired.
An
ideal property is on the edge of town, and therefore in a lower Rates zone, with
a potbelly stove and wetback, and access to cheap or free firewood. The potbelly
stove enables you to heat your water, heat the house, dry the clothes on wet
days, and cook. It can also save you about $40 per month in power bills.
The
best materials for a house are low maintenance. Brick (or concrete) and tile. If
you buy wood and corrugated iron, make sure the wood is free of dry rot and
borer, and the roof is not a veneer of painted rust.
Clothing.
Second
hand stores often stock as-good-as-new garments. They are always worth a look
through before buying new. New clothes are usually only new until they have been
through the washing machine once anyway. You can save literally thousands of
dollars by shopping in second-hand shops.
Goals
in life.
We
all have our goals in life. Sometimes our main goal is to find what our goal is!
A simple rule I use is : "If you don't do it, say it, or make it for Jesus
(either directly or indirectly), it isn't worth doing, saying or making".
The world claps its hands and cheers at many things, but passing praise is
worthless compared to the rewards we will receive if we put Jesus first in all
things and try to obey Him at every intersection in our lives. Logically,
eternal rewards are far more important than temporary praises.
Think
of Eric Liddell, Olympic sprint champion, whose greatest fulfilment in life was
not in collecting buckets of medals, bit in serving as a missionary. He used his
gifts on the world stage and received many honours, and he said that he
"ran for God", but he also preached the gospel and brought many lost
people to faith in Jesus. Abrahams, the Jew, and Eric's main opponent, was
worried about winning, because he knew he had nothing else in life to live for
except beating Eric, and if he beat him he faced a blank.
The
best way to live for Jesus is to look at whatever you are doing as a ministry.
Cleaning the toilet, washing clothes, digging the garden, chatting to a
neighbour, shopping, playing, helping . . . however humble, however mundane,
whatever job you have, whatever activity you are involved with, do it as if
Jesus is watching.
You
will find that, if you do this, you hardly ever need to wonder about what God
wants you to do in the future, because as you prove yourself faithful in the
small things, He will open to you bigger things to be faithful in. Life's
stepping stones are arranged by God, but He never lets you step forward to a new
stone until you have mastered the stone you are on.
Education
The
very best type of education is commonly known as 'homeschooling'. This means
that the children are brought up, nurtured, and educated by one or both parents.
This involves informal lessons most of the time - merely allowing he children to
share in the daily activities.
Parents
can teach their children how to wash, brush teeth, speak, read, write, garden,
cook, dress, and a hundred other skills. They can also teach by example how be
sociable, entertain guests, converse, think logically, asses things, develop a
value system, and of course understand God's Word. No 'normal', average parent
is incapable of raising, training and teaching their own child. Too many parents
have swallowed the lie that only the State can educate children.
Some
homeschoolers use prepared lessons when their children reach such ages as 9, 10
or 11, and some continue to provide materials right through to the child's
maturity. There is no shortage of resources. Some parents train and educate
their children up to perhaps 11 or 12 and then send them to State schooling.
This is very risky, because State schools are filthy with evolution, worldly
standards, vain fashions, carnal knowledge, and Satanism in its many guises.
some Christian children buckle and collapse under the pressure, others survive.
Some
children (and parents) see some value in gaining State school qualifications,
but the Bible shows that God is able to promote a person to any position without
any need to gain worldly qualifications. (i.e. Joseph and Daniel)
The
Bible commands parents to train their children up - too many Christian
parents abandon their children to pre-school, kindergarten, primary, secondary
and other educational systems - and then wonder why their children go off the
rails. The promise (Prov.22:6) applies only to parents who obey the command.
The
second best choice is a Christian school, but quite often the school charter and
the ideals are not matched by the school's performance, and quite often, in an
integrated school, some of the worst children are sent (for 'reform') along with
some of the best.
Christian
teachers can also sometimes be difficult to cope with, applying themselves with
often over-zealous, or legalistic, or 'peculiar' behaviour, similar to
missionary zeal.
Christian
schools can become religious nightmares for children, so ask and enquire
thoroughly before sending your child to one.
Schools
are, basically, surrogate homes with professional surrogate parents, which is
why the argument for homeschooling is the most reasonable and Scriptural choice.
Witnessing.
One
last thing. You can't catch fish unless the fish are hungry, so don't waste your
time trying to bring people to Christ who don't want to be saved. When you meet
someone, and you want to witness to them, 'test the waters' first in a subtle or
tactful way, and see what the response is. If the response is good, keep going.
If the person slams a wall up, keep away from Christian topics, otherwise you'll
antagonise them, and probably generate ill-will.
Your
most powerful weapon next to the gospel is good works.
If
you lose an argument or debate, lose gracefully, so the other person sees
Christ in you.
You
are not responsible for the lost, God is, and God has made ample provision for
the lost to be saved. Nature speaks of His divine reality, and all normal
people have a conscience, which convicts all sinners, and shows them
their need for forgiveness. In the Western world the accessibility of
Christianity is enormous, so there is no need for Christians in the West to fret
and worry about the lost. The lost are always lost because they want to be.
Weapons
you need to be a good witness :
Your
own personal testimony, of how you became a Christian. Prepare it and
practise it.
A
thorough understanding, and solid belief in the book of Genesis and its
implications.
Christian
apologetics.
There is now a wealth of powerful argument and evidence for Christianity.
Become familiar with it and be fully armed, ready to demolish the reasonings of
evolution and other deceptions.
The
one thing you can take to heaven with you is your children - so I'm expecting to
see you there when we meet on that happy day.
God bless - Dad.