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Many years ago I was asked to prepare a series of lessons on the subject
of happiness. I began with the gospel and illustrated the key verses, but now
that I look back on that work I realize that it was quite inadequate. There is
more to happiness than believing that Jesus died for you. There is also more to
happiness than acknowledging the basic doctrines of Christianity. While the
theology may be spot on, there are other things involved in happiness.
One key verse which I hold very dear is Romans 14:22 “Happy is the man
who has no reason to condemn himself for what he allows”. This cuts the whole
question down to the most basic and simple expression. Am I happy with myself
and my lifestyle? Do I have a deep contentment with myself as a person, or do I
constantly wonder if I am measuring up to other people’s expectations?
I think this kind of contentment is probably rare.
Few and far between are the Christians who can eat, and drink, laugh and
cry, work and play, read and travel, dress and explore, write and perform . . .
in a way which they feel is right for them. Most Christians, I suspect, try to
keep their lives within what they think are the ‘acceptable limits’ imposed
on them by their peers or other people. The trouble springs from the fact that
Christians forget that they walk before God as if there is only
God and no-one else in the whole universe. If God is happy with me, I am
happy with me. It is God’s opinion which matters most. (I must be responsive
to others in love and consideration of course, and not go roughshod over
everyone’s feelings, but home base is the one-to-one relationship I have with
my Creator.)
Some church fellowships demand conformity, either overtly through rules,
or by subtle pressure, such as a frown, or body-language. Non-conformity is
opposed and members either ‘fit it’ or feel like outsiders. Some members are
eliminated if they refuse to conform. Customs and forms replace spontaneity,
traditions stifle freedom of expression, and Christian life is strangled. Jesus
was expelled by rule-making people, so were the Early Church Christians.
So who should we follow? Jesus of course (1Pet.2:21) He is the Head of
the Church, the Chief Priest, the Great Shepherd and the Master. The Holy Spirit
can reveal him (through the Bible) to each Christian in a way which may be different
for every Christian, but it will be the same Jesus. The four gospels
illustrate this point clearly. Matthew saw Jesus as the King. Mark saw Jesus as
the Servant. Luke saw Jesus as the Messiah, and John saw Jesus as God. While
there is some overlap between the gospels, there is also a distinct difference
between them, which shows how God spoke to each of the four writers.
Shakespeare (and others) have come to the same conclusion : “To thine
own self be true, and it shall follow as the night the day, that thou canst not
be false to any man” The man who is happy with himself, is unafraid to present
him (or her-) self to the world without pretence.
The man who is content with himself has integrity.
So the first step towards being happy is to be first comfortable with
yourself. If you are not happy with yourself, you will never be happy with any
situation or relationship in the world.
I was talking to a dear little 5 yr old girl one day. She told me she
didn’t like the freckles on her face. I suggested that when God made her He
got a tiny paintbrush and mixed up just the right colour, then dabbed each
freckle on with love and care. “Every one of those freckles is there because
God wanted to make you like that. He counted all those freckles, and He loves
every one of them.”
Obviously, if God loves what He has made, we ought to love it too. God,
after all, makes no mistakes, so to think otherwise is an indirect way of
criticising God.
There is quite a lot of Modern Psychology about, which emphasises
self-esteem as being one of the most important factors in one’s life. One must
feel good about one’s self in order to make progress as a person, we are told.
One must be praised and complimented for almost everything one does. No
individual is allowed to escape praise for something, no matter how small or
insignificant that something is. Praise, praise, praise. Soon the child thinks
he or she is wonderful, and the message of humility before God is lost on them.
Tall poppies are reduced to an average height, and short poppies are elevated to
an undeserved equality.
Most of the emphasis placed on this self-esteem talk is based on a
shifting-sand foundation anyway, as people try to measure themselves against
widely variable things. The Bible gives the only solid, unshakeable foundation
for measuring self-esteem: God’s view of us, but self-esteem psychology is
based on how one feels about one’s self, and how many things one has achieved.
For the Christian, achievements come second, after Christ, who is always
first. For the self-esteem seeker, the works of Christ are often seen as handy
add-ons to an already complete life.
For example, I might seek my self-esteem from people I admire, but all
people have feet of clay. Even the greatest people have had faults and failings,
some of which have caused us to feel ashamed of them when they have been
exposed. Or, I might seek my self-esteem from people in authority, and draw my
sense of value from the admiration and trust which some important person puts in
me, but I can be knocked flat just as easily by the same person’s scorn.
Should I base my self-esteem on another person’s apparent admiration or trust?
It seems to me to be a very shaky basis for finding my own value.
On the other hand I might look inside myself, and try to find value in my
abilities and talents, or my achievements, but can I trust myself? Are my
abilities and talents my own anyway, or were they all given to me? Aren’t my
achievements really only an extension of my abilities and talents? If I
concentrate on these things I might become proud, and arrogant, self-centred,
vain, and narcissistic. If I concentrate on how ‘wonderful’ I am I may not
be able to praise other people as I should.
So no matter which way I look I see relativity
– my inner person, my friends, my manager, my customers, or whoever I look to
for a basis for self-esteem, are all frail and feeble foundations. They may
appear to be a good basis at first sight, but in the end they are not. I can
only assume value from these sources.
But when I look to heaven I hear God saying “I made you, I love you, I
accept you for who you are”. That is an absolute. If God is pleased to love
me, then I have the strongest base on which to set my self-esteem in the whole
universe. God never changes, so His opinion of me will never change. If He is
happy with me, I can be happy with me.
One thing I learned from my three years in public school was the shaky
basis on which many children try to build a happy life. Many of these sincere,
well-meaning young people are isolated from quality time with adults all day,
almost every day, for years, so they begin to look instead to their peer group
for a sense of value. The peer group happens to be about the same age, and none
of these young people of similar age is able to rise above the general level of
immaturity simply because of their youth, inexperience, and ignorance. They
often, but not always, get caught up with what the ‘in’ crowd thinks. They
seek acceptance by following commercially driven fashions, or they adopt certain
type of ‘in-house’ language, or they share a generally accepted genre of
music, or they collectively become fans of selected brands of cosmetics, bands,
toys, or trends in other things. Many young people try to find an identity for
themselves by merging with some other strong personality, or group. They may
gain a kind of acceptance, but in blending in, and sacrificing their
individuality, they lose their souls, because they have to live a lie.
Older children, especially those who finally break free of the education
system, often become wild, reckless, hedonists to the core, cravers of physical
gratification, undisciplined, contemptuous of authority, and it is amazing to
see to what lengths some of these people will go to in order to feel accepted
with the new crowd of friends. Some will shave off all their hair. Some will pin
their lips, tongues, bellies and other parts of their bodies. Some will never
wash. Some never change their clothes. Some will drink heavily. Some will smoke
drugs or experiment with them. Some will spend a fortune on gear. Some will
strive for the latest and most expensive gadgets. Some will adopt a manner of
speaking – the ‘plum in the mouth’ – as they pretend that they have
risen higher up the social ladder. For every genuine choice of lifestyle, there
are probably hundreds of imitators, all striving for acceptance, and behind the
‘laid-back’ appearance of many of these young trend-setters there is a
nagging fear they are not really living honestly with their conscience.
‘Keeping up appearances’ is the name of the game, but behind the appearance
is a void, or a loneliness, an emptiness which has never been filled.
So how do we find ourselves?
There are some places to look which may help.
The first is definitely not a good place, but it serves as a primary
level, and it can give us a ‘neutral’ platform to build on.
The
first step to happiness.
The atomic level. We all
share many things in common on this level, namely that we are all made of atoms.
All things, in fact, all material things, are atomic. It is the great equaliser.
A better basis on which to look at ourselves may be the biological
level. On this level we may enter into a slightly better understanding of
ourselves. We can see what we are, biologically, by examining our place
in Creation. God created all life, and then He created Mankind. Man is therefore
higher and superior to animals, but at the same time he shares many things with
them. Man needs to be born, to grow, eat, sleep, move and reproduce. Some people
wrongly think that because we share many things in common with animals, we must
be on the same level as animals, but the differences between Man and animals
totally refutes this notion. Man has a biological level which he shares with all
living things, but Man also has a higher level, which he shares with angels.
The social level comes next.
This level brings the focus into a sharper definition. Humans communicate using
a spoken language, or a symbolic written form. Humans can convey thoughts,
feelings, memories and ideas through symbols. No animal can do this on such a
vast scale. Humans can relate to each other, express themselves, be creative,
make art, music, dance, laugh. Socially, humans are vastly more sophisticated
than any animal.
The spiritual level sets
humans apart totally from all other creation. Only humans pray. Only humans show
an awareness of their Creator, by whatever name they call Him. Only humans
understand accountability. Only humans seek forgiveness for sin. Only humans
practise sacrifice for sin. Only humans exercise a system of justice. Only
humans follow after justice, or revenge, or avenge, or forgiveness, or
repentance. Humans constantly require apologies for wrongs. Animals never follow
after these things.
If we accept what the Bible says, we come to this conclusion:
Humans are made like God spiritually. There is a resemblance in
Man to God, in Man’s behaviour and awareness of higher things. Man is like a
heavenly spirit clothed in a body of flesh.
Humans are also not like God in that they share many biological
things with animals, and they often go against God’s best wishes.
This dual nature in Man
has led to two extremes.
First there is the idea that Man is inherently pure and perfect,
divine and transcendent. There is the idea that sin is an illusion, and
wickedness is unreal. Man can therefore find the ‘god within’ himself if he
looks. Man can perfect himself because Man is already good.
The other extreme is that Man is utterly vile and reprobate, in whom
nothing good dwells.
Both views are true to a certain extend, but both fail by themselves. The
best view is to say that Man is both God-like and not
God-like. This middle ground supplies the reason for the conflict which
Christians are usually aware of. They know in their spirit what pleases God, but
they find the performance lacking. They try to do what is right, but they find
thoughts in their heads that are quite rebellious. As Jesus said “The spirit
is willing, but the flesh is weak”.
The happy Christian is able to understand this duality, and accept the
fact that as long as he lives, the conflict will always be there. The only way
any Christian can remove the sinful bias, the conflict, the duality within
himself is by actually dying – or by receiving a brand new body. A lot of
unhappiness has resulted from Christians who have tried to rid themselves of the
“flesh” or perfect their “spirit” before the day of resurrection.
Neither is possible, but a huge amount of effort has gone into this futile task,
and nothing but failure can ever result.
The second step to happiness.
Happiness comes from obedience to God. God has made it perfectly clear,
through His Word, how we ought to live in order to be happy, but so many people,
so many millions of people, follow
sin, and then find themselves unhappy because of it. Here are some very
simplified examples of how to be unhappy:
Gambling – trying to get rich without working. This leads to poverty.
Gluttony – continually eating far more than necessary. This leads to
ill health.
Greed – wanting more than you need. This leads to dissatisfaction with
life.
Immorality – sex before responsibility. This leads to insecurity and
(often) disease.
Dishonesty – taking what is not yours. This leads to guilt and anxiety.
Hedonism – living for today. This leads to a sense of futility and
instability.
The list goes on and on. People constantly take the easy road to get what
they want, without considering the consequences, then the ‘birds come home to
roost’ and they find themselves in misery. They put short-term
self-gratification before the wise counsel of the Bible.
For example: a woman leaves her husband to live with another man,
dragging two children along. The man has three children from a former affair.
All the children grow up insecure because their ‘parents’ are more
interested in the affair than the raising of a family. The ‘partners’ split
again because there is no commitment. The children grow up unbalanced and
unstable, and repeat their parent’s mistake. More children are born and they
also grow up without stable, committed mothers or fathers. The misery increases.
Sin piles on sin and the happiness which could have been theirs is gone.
God gives us all a credit card of wealth when we come into the world, but
many people spend it and then run up a huge debt. But sin’s consequences
always come, eventually, knocking on the door like an angry bailiff, demanding
what has been clocked up on the card. God always holds us accountable for what
we do.
But on the positive side, if we obey God, we find happiness. As Ray
Comfort once said (paraphrased) “God has given us an instruction manual –
the Bible but if we refuse to read it, we will not run at our maximum. Only a
stupid mechanic would refuse to read the manual for a car, yet there are
millions of people who try to live their lives without finding out what God, who
designed us, has to say.”
This is not the place for an extended list of Bible references from the
‘instruction manual’, because the best place to find the way to happiness is
in the Bible, but I will, if I may, suggest the first principle of the Ten
Commandments:
1.
Love God
2.
Love yourself
3.
Love your neighbour
Jesus himself demonstrated the fullest, happiest (and sometimes saddest)
life any person could ever live. His life was a balance
between consideration of God, himself, and others – in that order. His life
was based on obedience to what was
written in the Bible. His freedom came from a sense of identity
as defined by God and not by people – not even his closest friends or mother
could pressure him into being something he wasn’t. He showed respect to those
to whom it was due, but he did not swerve from his own personal
integrity in order to appease anyone.
That is the destination to which all Christians ought to aim, but there
is usually a lot of baggage to unload on the road there. And once attained,
happiness is something we have to guard, and maintain on a daily basis, because
there are always people about who will try to take it from us.
“If you know these things, happy are you if you do them”. – Jesus. (John 13:17)